8 months on...

Today is November 1st, and exactly 8 months ago, I started this blog. 

I know, I know....  I haven't exactly been keeping up my end of the bargain by keeping it updated, but I really couldn't quite get my head around things and put everything into words before.  I think I am ready to give it a go now though.

The 8 months has been the longest, scariest, most surprising rollercoaster ride I have ever been on.

Since Freyja was diagnosed, we tried Vyvanse, which made everything so much worse and resulted in three months of living with the embodiment of the kid from The Exorcist.  We told the doc we wanted to stop the meds and he offered us an alternative one.  After a few weeks off the Vyvanse, we took him up on the offer and she started Concerta.  It has been an amazing transformation to watch.  We tried 18mg, and then 27 mg, and now she is back into school we are waiting to see whether or not the dosage will need one last tweak.  It seems to be wearing off around 4-5pm now which means she is getting through the school day but has problems sustaining her concentration in the evening for activities, and the homework she will soon start getting.

The downside to getting a higher dosage is the effect it has on her already tiny appetite and her sleep patterns.  Since starting the meds, she has been taking melatonin most nights to help her sleep.  One of the side effects can be insomnia, though thankfully once she is asleep she now seems to have less nightmares.

Freyja has always been a picky eater and since starting the medication it has become worse.  She often complains of feeling nauseous and of having stomach aches, but I am beginning to think that it is actually her lack of eating that is causing these issues rather than the medication..  Her eating issues have been going on since we moved to Canada, and we knew food was her control thing.  When she couldn't get her own way in other things she did it by refusing to eat.  Since starting the medication she has lost weight (thankfully she was carrying a little weight before, so she is not scary skinny, but still skinny for the kid who has alwas been well built). Her already limited list of likes appears to have gotten smaller and finding something to feed her is getting really tough.  People keep telling me to just give her what I want her to eat and she will eat it eventually, that no kid will starve themselves, but I have seen her eating habits, she already eats about half the quantity her two year old sister eats, and she is still healthy, still growing, but I always have that worry in my mind that a child who uses food for control could end up with anorexia or bulemia as a teenager.  Because of that I have had long talks with her about that, asked her if she feels fat, asked her if she wants to be skinny like some of the other girls in school, and the answer is always a resounding "NO".  So, I am thinking maybe she has some digestive issues that are causing the problems, maybe an alergy that is causing the stomach pains and nausea.

Other than that possible side effect, she is doing fantastically well.  Her concentration at school has improved greatly, her mood swings have almost disappeared except for the usual kid moods.  She still struggles to get ready in the morning (before the meds kick in) and get to bed in an evening (after the meds have worn off) but some of that has been down to me and my own inability to organise and get stuff done - more on that in the next post - so we are getting there, slowly but surely.  Most of the remaining issues tend to be related to me rather than others, so now I am getting myself sorted too and we seem to be making headway.

So way back then, we wondered if we were doing the right thing, and honestly there were times that I really thought we had made a terrible mistake, but looking at the girl I see now, I know we did right and I know that, hard as the road has been and no doubt will be in the future, it was the right road to take.