So it’s been a month since my last post, and to be honest,
that’s because of how frustrated I have been as well as busy.
After 2nd appointment with Michelle in the
Behavioural Unit, she had seen some of Freyja’s behaviours, but really she had
been pretty good, and didn’t argue with me (until one minute after we left the
office – sigh!), but a few days later we had the appointment with the
Paediatrician and she was herself for that – oh boy, was she!
After an hour of trying to hold a conversation with her, and
Lee and I, while she jumped up on the bed, and off, and on, and off (repeat as
necessary for one full hour), swung her feet over the edge of it so she kept “accidentally”
kicking his computer monitor, and declaring repeatedly over the top of his
questions “sigh! I’m BORED!!!” he got
the idea and agreed, Yes, she’s ADHD.
Despite the repeated jumping about, he says she veers more to the
Attention Deficit side than the hyperactive side.
So he offered us medication, and to be honest, we nearly
snapped his hand off to get it. 2 days
later, we had the prescription and she started taking 20mgs of Vyvanse each
morning. Vyvanse is an amphetamine but
its slow release and in such a low dosage, it basically just gives them enough
to sharpen their focus.
The first day, she was wired, talked for about 6 hours
non-stop, but never argued, did what she was asked to do and was super helpful
all day. Day Two, she woke up at 3.30am
and never went back to sleep, so neither did I.
Rosie woke up at 6am with a fever, so the day was spent with a tired
Mama and a grouchy baby sister. But
never once did she complain I was ignoring her and giving all the attention to
Rosie or say she was bored while I cleaned house. Instead she occupied Rosie and kept her
smiling while I cleaned. Went and got
them both snacks and drinks. Was the
girl I knew she wants to be.
It lasted about ten days.
It was the best week ever! No arguments,
no whining, no fussing (well the usual stuff but like any kid does, not like an
ADHD kid does. Then, as her body must
have adjusted to the medication we noticed she was getting more irritable
again, more argumentative, coming back from school complaining she hadn’t had
time to finish things again. At first I
thought it might be caused by excitement about her pending birthday and party,
but that came and went and still she was getting worse.
If anything, she is worse now than ever. For 5 nights in a row, I had to cajole,
argue, carry, shout her into bed through 45-60 minutes of arguing and whining,
shouting and screaming, hitting and kicking.
I just about broke down. The
thing that made me feel worse than anything is that she is the one getting the
most hurt by all of this. She hates the
way she acts, she hates that she can’t concentrate. She hates that she had a ten day glimpse of
what it is like to be “normal” and then ended up back to the same thing as
always again.
We have another appointment with Michelle in the Behaviour
Unit in 2 days, and then with the doc in 10 days. I am trying to get snap forms filled out by
her teacher and her day home to try to get the dosage increased. We know it worked; just it’s not enough for
her. My last appointment with Michelle,
Freyja had to come and read a book to Michelle.
After reading some pages, she had to say if the things in the page
described her or not. After a 10 minute
ramble about one page, Michelle asks “Is she always like this?” “No, this is better than normal” I
reply. After I get a confused look as to
how this could possibly be better, I tell her it is because, even though she
has just spent 10 minutes talking about something where 3 or 4 words would have
done, at least she is still discussing the same subject. In the past we would have been way off on a
tangent by then. Michelle then asked me
if Freyja had taken her meds that morning.
Yep, at 7.30am, same as every day.
It is now 9.30am. Michelle tells
me that if the meds were working, she would expect Freyja to be significantly
more focused. We both try to stop Freyja
talking as it is nearly the end of the appointment and she is still rambling on
over the top of us. She has a tantrum
and goes and sits in a corner, squashed in the space between the wall and a
cabinet and refuses to come out. BINGO!!!
Finally, a little glimpse of what she is like when she is getting the
wrong answer (that would be NO by the way) from me.
So, keeping my fingers crossed that the dosage is increased
ASAP. Poor kid thought all she would
have to do is go to the doctors, have them agree it was ADHD and get a pill so
that, boom, she’d be all better. She
never expected all these appointments and forms and questions. She never expected it to take time, and it is
so frustrating for her that it is making her even angrier. And I hate to admit; I am not dealing with it
well. I have my Bad Mommy days, and I
have lost count in the past two weeks of how many times she has said she hates
me, but I am determined to get her through this.
It is only now that I am going through this that I have
realised just how many friends or acquaintances are going through similar
issues with their kids. ADHD, OCD, ODD,
Autism, Asperger’s, the list seems to be endless. I know I am not alone, and that helps, but
why are so many of us going through this these days? Is it just because there is more diagnosis,
or is it because there really are more kids going through these trials and
tribulations? Either way, I am glad to
know that there is help out there for us, maybe not a quick fix that Freyja
would like, but a way forward. Just
gotta keep holding onto that, and remember those 10 wonderful days with a
little girl who was happy and focused and who knew she was loved, and hope that
we can get back there again.
